Things are never as simple as should be. The theory was that Debra and I would go in to Newcastle in the afternoon, pick up a couple of household things, and from there to the Tyneside Cinema to see the new Coen brothers movie and a terse number called
Gomorrah. But before all that I needed to go and have my eyes tested.
In the last couple of days I’ve noticed a marked deterioration in the vision of my left eye. Given that the last time anyone looked into my eyes Richard Nixon had just entered the White House and Neil Armstrong had yet to take his one small step, I figured it was about time to get them checked over.
After about an hour and a half, the 12 year-old optician informed that my overall vision was 20/20. There was no evidence of glaucoma, diabetes and other dread diseases that could be gleaned by her extended peering into the windows to my soul. Eventually she gave the verdict.
“Mr. Smith, you need reading glasses.”
However, there was some kind of problem with the macula in my left eye and I was to go straight to the eye casualty department at the hospital. Writing out a referral note, she told me that going to the cinema today was out of the question and that I should get the eye checked out immediately as there was “something not quite as it should be.”
So we went and waited.
And waited.
As the clock hands crawled past 5.00 p.m., and the building emptied of staff, the unsettling ambience of long empty corridors, and the sound of doors being slammed shut faraway emphasised the feelings of vulnerability you experience in such moments.
Eventually, a nurse called me in and in a no nonsense-eager-to-get-home manner, gave me an old fashioned, read-the-chart eye test, took notes and then put yellow drops in my eyes that stung like buggery.
After some time, an equally weary looking doctor repeated most of the eye-peering that the 12 year-old optician had done. She looked at the referral note. She shook her head. She wanted her Consultant to take a look. For a moment those faraway doors slamming shut sounded like they were getting closer.
After a while he came and repeated the tests and then gave his pronouncement.
“Mr. Smith, you need reading glasses.”
And the macula? Beautiful. He then wanted the name and number of the 12 year-old optician “I’ll be sending them a rocket tomorrow” he muttered.
So, all in all, much ado about nothing.
That said I was grateful to the team at the RVI for taking the time to check that everything was as it should be, and thus being late in getting home to their loved ones. And I was even grateful to the 12 year-old optician for erring on the side of caution.
As for the cinema, although we’d missed any chance of seeing Gomorrah we did manage to catch
Burn After Reading – a Coen Brothers confection that you can eat between meal times.
Hurrah for the Coen Brothers and hurrah for the NHS.